Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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