We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
