when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
