You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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