I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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