Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
