Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
