why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
