it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm always down for nudity.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
