it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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