I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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