You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
