i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
