mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
