its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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