I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
