I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
