the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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