Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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