Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
