weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
