I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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