Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
