matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
