dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
