Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
