I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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