Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
