I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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