You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
