do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i will never coherently bang her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
