omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
