Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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