Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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