At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
