I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
