It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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