I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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