Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
