Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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