All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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