We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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