so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
