he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
