if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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