He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
