They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
