my phone needs a breathalizer
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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