yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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