singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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