wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
