I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
