At least make sure they are 18
Why
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
