So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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