how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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