butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
