my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
