Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
