I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
