She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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