Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
