You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
