I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
