i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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