there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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