Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
