i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
