My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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