ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
