Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
