i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
