I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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