I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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