He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
