apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
