If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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