Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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