fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
