Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
