no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
