I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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